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:iconsealed-sweets: More from sealed-sweets


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Literature by Tinuviels-song

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Submitted on
January 27, 2011
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My mother tended her first yield tender,
with slender fingers interlocked in a cradle
placed over her ripe stomach,
the calluses raised from farm labor
serving as little pillows for her son.

The first time she felt the quake underneath her flesh—
the little feet,
the kicking feet that would someday hold up a man—
she whispered his name,
Masahiro, Masahiro.
The son rising in the east to reflect her soul.

But dawn broke too early,
stretching its scarlet, wet arms over her underwear,
spitting defiance in a rush of water soaking her feet.
On the way to the hospital,
she clutched her splitting stomach,
screaming and pleading to the impatient babe,
Too soon, too soon!
But he was too much Icarus;
too eager to reach the light.

Finally, when the doctors extracted what was inside her,
she heard no sound of a baby boy crying,
only a beeping monitor tracking the beat of an incessant heart,
her heart—
alone.
Let me see him.
With cold hands,
the doctors presented the spoiled fruit, the bloody pulp,
and she, like Daedalus, gazed upon her melted son,
filling the hollows of her body,
his fetal grave,
with remorse.

Twenty-five years later, on melancholy nights,
when the rain runs tear tracks down window panes,
when his kicking feet retrace phantom paths,
when his name echoes in her womb,
she says to me, without ever meeting my eyes,

"I am happy to have a daughter."
.

4th from the last line, should i use ghostly "paths" or "pasts"?

-----
update: 2/2/11

Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments and critiques. I wasn't expecting to ever earn a DD. I've been carrying the concept for this poem around in my head for over a year, and I'm so flattered, so bewildered, so indescribably elated by all the support. Thank you again <3

And thanks ~antilocapridae for recommending me!
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-02-02
A strong example of the power of a narrative poem, there is something deeply unsettling about To My Brother by ~sealed-sweets. ( Suggested by antilocapridae and Featured by Halatia )
:iconlava-tomato:
lava-tomato Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2011
I am in awe.

recite it in lit!
Reply
:iconjoel55555:
joel55555 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. That was ... disturbing. So much emotion.

"paths" I think works better.
Reply
:icontheroyalus:
theroyalus Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2011  Professional Traditional Artist
Okay, I'm kind of choked up now. That was pretty vivid and difficult to read.

Honestly, I don't find "good" poetry very often, I hate to admit I've got pretty high standards and amateur stuff usually annoys me.

But this was just brilliant. Really, truly, not just "good" but great poetry.

-Nathan
Reply
:icon1nceephemeral2lost:
1nceephemeral2lost Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2011
It captures the tragedy perfectly. Striking.
Reply
:iconvoltaliathemajestic:
VoltaliatheMajestic Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2011  Student General Artist
:cries: Oh...my...God. That's so anguishing, even for me.
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:iconfiagreen:
FiaGreen Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2011
Haunting. You have some great descriptions in here, and echo the tragedy of the miscarriage well with the story of Icarus and Daedalus. Beautifully sad.
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:iconrennlei:
rennlei Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011
Absolutely stunning. My favorite among favorites is probably "she, like Daedalus, gazed upon her melted son,
filling the hollows of her body, his fetal grave,
with remorse. "

Every word here is perfectly chosen and resonates painfully. A thousand commendations.
Reply
:iconrequiemsandreveries:
RequiemsandReveries Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2011
This is raw and emotional and awesome and the ending is perfect!!!
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:iconpenny-lane-11:
penny-lane-11 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I really like the comparison to Deadalus and Icarus, because when you think about it (and how you explain it here as well), these stories are really alike.

Congratulations on the DD and very well done! :clap:

oh, and, I think 'paths' is better :)
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:iconsealed-sweets:
sealed-sweets Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2011
thank you!
Reply
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